the meaty

noun: meaty; plural noun: meaties synonyms: uneducated, ignorant, unwoke, idiot, nOOb, superficial, douche, ultimate douche, omnivore, fuck-head, chode, madharchodh (India), zombie, lamer, schlemiel, asshat; assclown, loggerhead, mooncalf, troll antonyms: genius, vegan, woke, conscious, mindful, considerate, conscientious, compassionate, empathetic, kind COMMON MEATY CHARACTERISTICS I. Stupid look of superiority II. Found with "I love animals" t-shirt while eating a bacon double-cheeseburger (see number V.) III. Believes that since some animals eat other animals, they too are justified, but unwilling to sniff another human’s ass or eat the offspring of a new partner IV. Subscribes wholeheartedly to cherry picked interweb articles/arguments V. Frequent non sequitur references to bacon and cheese, grunting ecstatically VI. Confused by basic biological processes VII. Habitually in the company of flat-earthers or climate-change deniers VIII. Possesses I (heart) TRUMP memorabilia IX. Breeds at alarming/unsustainable rate X. Believes plants quietly feel pain but willing to ignore cries of a dying animal XI. Selfish unquestioning of practices, from which, they directly benefit (not unlike politicians) XII. Subscribes to ridiculous arguments: animals are stupid; it’s legal; it’s humane/kosher/halal/grass-fed/free-range; circle of life; our ancestors ate meat; Hitler was a vegetarian; but protein, bro; B12; god; electrolytes